Sunday, January 12, 2014
Sunday, April 14, 2013
How do you know when someone is the one??
For the past couple of months I've been giving one person all and I mean ALL of my attention and ive loved every minute of it. I love this person with all of my heart and I could honestly see myself being with this person for the rest of my life he means the world to me.
Now today an 'old flame' you can call him called me and me and him have not talked in a couple months but ive really missed him and our conversations. It's crazy because its one of those relationships where its someone who you'd never see yourself with but they're exactly what you might need, he's just someone to make you laugh and to just talk about nothing and we talk for hours (until he falls asleep he's on east coast time).
Its just hard because I know who and what I want but at the same time is it fair to be talkin to them both?? I mean im not in a relationship with either of them I just feel like either way im cheating on someone. Lol maybe thats just the relationship lover in me. Ive never been one to just date ive always put my eggs in one basket and that was it.
Its not that I have the same feelings for these two, its just two totally different feelings and it makes me anxious because its like I don't know which feelings I should go for. Do I go with 'the love of my life' or 'the one who is fresh and makes me feel all giddy' with both men I know they resect me and care one more than the other but its a possibility of two different relationships and now im confused.
How do females do this?? Im not the type to string men along I like to be upfront an honest but id love to just be with both. They both bring out the best I just want to put them both together and id be in heaven.
Ugh wth man this is dumb.
Friday, March 01, 2013
Where's my restart button??
I guess the saying:
"if you love someone let them go...if it's meant to be it will"
excuse me for chopping it up lol but I feel like this is directly applying to my life right now.
BUT! and there's always a but...
How do you know if it's real or just the freshness of rekindling something you once had all over again.
Right now I'm talking to someone who a couple of years ago I ended things with because I was afraid of three emotionsand feelings I had for him. I had come out of an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship and for about 9 months I stayed alone working on myself and my self esteem when this certain person came along and totally flipped my world upside down. So as our relationship grows my feelings grow which builds up my wall because I'm scared of putting my all into someone and they just use and abuse it against me. After realizing I had fell I'm love with person I got scared made a fought about nothing and ended it before things could get too serious but we remained I guess you can say friends.
Now I'm not saying our relationship was all cotton candy clouds and rainbows but he seemed so perfect for me that I got scared and hid from how I truly felt. I ended up moving home (I was out of state for school) because of it and we never spoke again.....
Now mind you it's been a couple of years since him and I have even talked to one another so I finally got the courage after snooping his Facebook and seeing that he was single to send him a request to see what was up I had no ulterior motives I just wanted to be friends because I missed him and I didn't even know of he would even want to talk to me.
Fast forward to today a couple months have gone by and we've been flirting back and forth kind of talking about the past and what happened in bursts but not all out and I feel like a kid in a candy store. I look for our good morning texts, our mid day texts, and then our random talks thought the day before bed. I enjoy talking about nothing and sending smiley faces back and forth. Everything about it arms so right so perfect for my life right now that I get scared. Maybe it's because I never stopped loving him and never had the courage to speak up about things, maybe it's because I've been looking for his replacement in guys I've talked to or maybe even because this is God telling me to speak up and go after what I want that he has planned this and this is what I need in my life. But whatever it is I'm happy I can honestly say I haven't been this happy in years.
But then there's more...lol
There's always a catch when it comes to happiness with me it seems. Me and this person don't even live in the same state granted its only a couple hours on the plane I'd rather it be a couple minutes down the street or around the way. Idk how to cope I want him and I to work I want to be with them I feel like this is the one but I've had these feelings before and my friends think I see too much of the good in people and what they can be because of the potential and that I don't focus on the reality of what's in my face at the time. How do I rewind the hands of time and just go back to when I was going to end things and just realize its ok to love again that ours ok to feel vulnerable around someone you care so much about. I feel like my present and my future would new so different if I'd just "man up" to my responsibilities and what I need as woman and what I deserve as a woman and just speak how I feel. I'm always telling people closed mouths don't get feed but I can't take my own advice. If I was a man things would be so much easier if pack my bags move to be with my love and we'd get married and have kids but life is never that simple.
I just feel as if I don't get things done this time I will lose out in something great and I don't want to have to live with that regret. Idk what to do what to say or who to listen to. My mind and my heart and on two different pages and I can't seem to get them to sync up to save my life.
To my past, present and hopefully future...I love you...always have always will no matter what you are what keeps me going throughout the day you are what keeps me motivated to reach my goals and dreams in life
Me and you together
I wish you were reading this but I doubt you will be. If you are...I'm in this if you are...whatever it takes...
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
I know I'm young and all but something in me is saying YOU'RE READY! and it's yelling at me pretty loudly. Maybe it's the fact that I've started my career and I'm about to start a new journey in my life. But as each waking moment passes I feel the urge to settle down with that right someone and get married and start my family. I think I can handle *scratch that* I KNOW I can handle it.
I've always been the one to never date just to date or just have casual relationships. I was always the one looking to be with my significant other forever. I am the lover of all of my friends and i pride myself on always being honest with my heart and honest with other people's heart's as well. I am tired of just getting my hopes up thinking someone was "the one" and they just turn out to be a dud. I know all relationships come with a lesson you learn and what not but I think I've learned all the lessons I could and I'm ready to put them to use in my last and final relationship.
Every time I go to sleep I dream of my future. I see my wedding day, I see my husband minus the face but man is he one handsome chocolate glass of fine! and then I see us growing old and I see the happy faces of my children. So does that make me crazy or is that a sign telling me...YOU ARE READY FOR THIS? I just need to know I mean it would be great to know if I'm going crazy or if I'm just getting to that point in my life where things should be a lot more serious.